Last week, the internets buzzed with joy over the leak of behind-the-scenes footage of American Idol judges Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey freaking out at each other. But it wasn’t just A Tale of Two Divas: instead it devolved into a war of words and violent threats involving Twitter, Barbara Walters, and Stevie Nicks. Of course, the latest instances of artist-on-artist violence aren’t all Ryan Seacrest-supervised: Rick Ross and Young Jeezy’s crews threw down in the parking lot outside the BET Awards and indie rockers the Ataris pummeled each other on stage this past weekend.
So what to make of these musicians and their threats, fisticuffs, and attempted murder? Why can’t we all just get along? We consulted Billy Reid of the fantastic kids music web series Pancake Manor to broker some peace between these battling bands.
Nicki Minaj v. Mariah Carey (with a cameo from Stevie Nicks)
What happened?: TMZ got their hands on behind-the-scenes footage of Minaj cursing out Carey after they disagreed over an audition. It apparently escalated to the point where Carey called “good friend” Barbara Walters for an exclusive interview, alleging that Minaj threatened her life. As you do, Minaj took to Twitter for a grammatically questionable smackdown. Things were cooling down until yesterday when Stevie Nicks - yes, of Fleetwood Mac fame - said this: “If I had been Mariah I would have walked over to Nicki and strangled her to death right there ...I would have killed her in front of all those people and had to go to jail for it."
Pancake Peace 101: Looks like Nicki had a bad case of “the grumps,” brought on from staying up too late last night (we suspect she was browsing through her wig catalogue with a flashlight). We recommend a long, uninterrupted nap. Then, when she’s rested, she can have a cookie, but only if she apologizes and tells Mariah that she’s sorry.
Rick Ross v. Young Jeezy
What happened?: According to sources, a snippy exchange between the two rappers inside the BET Awards escalated into a shoving match/rich person’s brawl outside in the parking lot, and the police had to come in and intervene, sending those involved scurrying into the night. No arrests, no serious injuries, and police denied reports of shots fired. So, that’s probably totally over. These hip-hop wars never escalate out of control, right?
Pancake Peace 101: Sitting at an award show is like sitting in the back of your parents' station wagon while they drive for an unbearably long time (like half an hour). It’s suuuuuper boring. It's no wonder these two got so restless and cranky! What Rick and Mr.Jeezy needed was a “Shake Break.” It’s simple: you stand up. You shake a bit. You jump a bit. Finally, you turn around. Then you feel all jiggly and nice again.
The Ataris v. The Ataris
What happened?: The Ataris lead singer Kris Roe lost it on stage at the band’s New Jersey show this past Saturday night, reportedly because drummer Rob Felicetti keeps showing up too drunk to perform. Roe started tearing pieces off the drumkit and throwing them at Felicetti, forcing him off the stage.
Pancake Peace 101: Just like momma said on Halloween: there is such a thing as too many treats.
What advice would you give to these warring celebrities? Let us know in the comments below.
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Appetite for Distraction: Band Feuds