Mary Zilba’s soundtrack to The Real Housewives of Vancouver

Zilba’s story arc on the show is that she is looking to re-enter the music scene (she records a song over the course of the series) and she wants to raise awareness for her charity; one of her three sons suffers from tuberous sclerosis and Zilba is the director for TS Canada. Zilba was a television producer before moving to Vancouver to become a pop singer, then a housewife, then a Real housewife, so she’s relatively unshocked by the manufactured quality of the show. In case there were any doubts about what’s to come this season, Zilba promises, “From what I’ve seen of the show so far all the characters are there.” So, yes, there will be fights and, yes, people will be flaunting their wealth. 

The first week of The Real Housewives of Vancouver has already delivered a healthy amount of conflict and good ratings to go with it.  The series is Slice Network’s highest rated premiere to date.  To accompany the show you are presumably watching and re-watching until tonight's episode comes out, here are some songs, inspired by Zilba’s own musical tastes, in the key of housewifery.

 1. Rihanna, "Disturbia"

As a proper diva, Zilba’s influences are Mary J. Blige, Whitney Houston and, more recently, Rihanna. It’s tricky to find songs by Zilba’s favourite artists that captured the reality of the show, but I think Rihanna’s “Disturbia” probably best fits the atmosphere. Mostly because of all those spiders in the video. The Real Housewives is the one where they eat spiders for money, right? I’m still convinced Survivor is the one where the women battle for one husband –  I can only assume to procreate and keep our species alive.

As for a Whitney Houston song, in keeping with The Real Housewives lifestyle, “Million Dollar Bill” feels right. I can already imagine a montage of the five women sashaying through the city with this playing in the background. You’re welcome for the suggestion, Slice Network producers!

3. Seal, "Crazy"

The drama between the women is at the centre of the show. As Zilba says, “the show is a comedy drama and they billed it as such.” In that spirit, Zilba recommends the Seal hit “Crazy” as the soundtrack to the show. And I can only thank her for reminding me that Seal’s interpretation of being crazy is to have a terrible haircut.

4. Ozzy Osbourne, "Crazy Train"

Zilba’s son Chase also provided the teenage boy equivalent recommendation with Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train.” A reality show star in his own right, Osbourne is probably still most famous for his accidental stunt of biting the head off a bat (he claims he thought it was a rubber toy at the time). As always, fans will have to watch and see just how crazy things do get on the show. That part may not be quite as easy to manufacture.