Decades-old letters have been making music news lately. Earlier this month, Mick Jagger's former love, Marsha Hunt, put Jagger's late '60s love letters up for sale. In addition to that, a collection of 68 of John Lennon's private letters have been digitally published in an app.
It's no surprise that Lennon and Jagger's correspondence has become a commodity. Songwriters have always done a great job of adapting their music to the epistolary format. Even though nobody actually sits down and writes a letter anymore (I'm exhausted just typing that out), let's take a look at the best letters in music.
"Paperback Writer" by the Beatles
A song written as a cover letter — and not a convincing one — to a publisher. The writer is pitching a dirty story of a dirty man. OK, I’m listening. But then he talks about how this man’s son wants to be a paperback writer. Then he offers to expand the book from its original thousand pages. Well, why don’t you make it shorter by cutting out the stuff about the son and focus on the dirty man, and his stained, half-open bathrobe (I’m assuming)?
"Famous Blue Raincoat" by Leonard Cohen
You can tell this is a letter because the opening verse contains the words “I’m writing you now” and the song ends with “Sincerely, L. Cohen.” It’s Leonard Cohen’s letter to a man who has been seeing his wife, dabbling in Scientology and handing out locks of hair. By the end of the song, he’s forgiving the man and even thanking him for easing his wife’s troubles. Sitting down to write an actual letter must be exhausting.
"Dear Abby" by John Prine
This one is a series of letters to advice columnist Abigail van Buren. The letter writers complain about their different life situations, but the replies are all the same: you shouldn’t complain, as you are exactly where you belong. Well thanks, Abby. Screw you, too.
"Dear God" by XTC
This is a super snotty letter written by a kid — oh wait, no, an adult — to a God in whom he doesn’t believe. It’s a bit on the nose. And where do you send such a letter? Oh wait, it’s a kid again.
"Penpals" by Sloan
When Sloan was signed to DGC Records in the early '90s, they raided labelmate Kurt Cobain’s fan mail. The lyrics to “Penpals” were lifted verbatim from the broken English in these letters, and Sloan used the song to open Twice Removed, the album that got them dropped from DGC.
"Stan" by Eminem
“Stan” is a series of letters written by an obsessed fan, Stan, to Eminem. The letters get angrier and angrier, until Stan kills himself and his girlfriend. Then at the end, it turns out Eminem didn’t get the letters and it’s too late to reply. The lesson: if you don’t reply to those emails you’ve been avoiding, they’ll just go away.
"Unsent" by Alanis Morissette
Most of the songs on this list take lyrics and transform them into the format of a letter; in this one, it seems like Morissette is literally singing actual letters that she wrote. There are no rhymes and the meter rambles and runs out of momentum. We learn that she never made a clean break with any of her former love interests, and she can wear the hell out of a wig.
"You Wear it Well" by Rod Stewart
This song is a letter written to an ex-girlfriend. It’s this kind of song that earned Stewart the nickname “The Alanis Morissette of the '70s.” Unlike Morissette, who comes off as a caring, earnest ex, Stewart just seems like a sad sack. He’s writing just to get his ex-girlfriend to think about him for a couple of minutes. This song is the equivalent of a Facebook poke.
"Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah" by Allan Sherman
A classic in the format, this song is a complaint letter from a child sent away to summer camp. According to the letter, the weather is bad, the lake is infested with alligators and kids are getting sick and going missing, and it’s only the first day. But would you believe that by the end, the sun comes out and everything is fine again? Kids!
"Boots of Spanish Leather" by Bob Dylan
This song chronicles a correspondence between a woman who is sailing away and her lover. She’s like, “I’ll be gone for a while. Do you want me to send you anything?” Then he answers, “No, all I want is you.” And she’s like, “Are you sure? I don’t think you realize how long I’ll be gone.” And he says, “No, it’s fine. Just hurry home.” And she says, “Are you sure?” Then he realizes she’s not coming back and he figures he’d better cash in on her offer, so he asks her to send some boots. The song ends before she can reply, “What size are you?”
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