Stories collected by Talia Schlanger and Andrea Warner
Happy April Fools' Day!
It's the morning of double- and triple-checking toilet seats for plastic wrap and salt shakers for sneaky pepper swaps.
Granted, those pranks seem relatively lame and tame compared to Arkells' epic One Direction-related joke last week that had lead singer Max Kerman stepping up to fill in for Zayn Malik, who pretty much broke the internet last week after he quit the biggest boy band in the world. (Kerman Photoshopped his head onto Malik's body and One Direction fans revolted, but we think it's a pretty good fit.)
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Most bands love a good joke, and with so much time spent on the road — where creative minds and idle hands become the devil's play things, or something like that — there are a host of silly shenanigans and pranks to share for this April Fools' Day roundup.
Shad
"Best prank I can think of is when my Grade 7 teacher started screaming at the biggest troublemaker in the class at the end of PE. Teacher is fully red in the face, grabs the kid by the neck of his shirt and lifts him into his office. We're all stunned silent. Then he keeps screaming and we hear what sounds like bodies slamming against the door and things getting knocked off the desk. We're just about to run to tell the principal when they both come out smiling.
"I don't think you can do that prank anymore in schools. But they got us pretty good."
Bif Naked
"I have never played a prank on someone! I wouldn't even know how. But my band has played a prank on me before, on the tour bus. My guitar player, Doug Fury, and my drummer, Scotty Sexx, were trying to curb me of my bubblegum-chewing habit and tried to hide my gum. Knowing I would search for it and find it, they went a step further, and painstakingly took every piece out of its wrapper, covered it in hot sauce, and dry it and replaced it in the wrapper. Every piece.
"Of course, as they predicted, I found the gum and helped myself to several pieces at once (which I am notorious for doing) and they were watching from around the corner, stifling their snickering. Sadly for them, I enjoyed it immensely and kept on chewing! Today, however, I do not chew bubblegum at all."
The Strumbellas
"I secretly set my mom's cassette tape alarm clock to set off at full volume with AC/DC's 'Thunderstruck' once." — Jeremy Drury
Bill Harris
Steve Wallace recounts this story about trombonist Bill Harris on his blog.
"[Bill Harris] found some loose-fitting trousers, which he wore with no belt and the fly and waistband undone. He took a long piece of nylon wire, looped it through the waistband button-hole and attached it to the end of his [trombone] slide … when he stood up to take a solo he could keep [his pants] up by holding the slide in the middle positions, the wire acting as a suspender. But as soon as he brought the slide in closer to his body to play higher, the wire slackened and the pants dropped to his ankles, revealing some ridiculously loud boxer shorts specially chosen for the occasion.
"When he moved the slide out to play lower – zoom! – up went the pants again and he could make them dance and jiggle like a fish on a line when he played fast. To keep the element of surprise, Harris only used the gag sporadically and Al Cohn said it was impossible to play backgrounds behind Harris’s solos when his pants were jumping spastically, the laughter was just too convulsive."
Stan Wiest and Victor Borge
Pianist Stan Wiest recalls being pranked by the legendary Victor Borge.
"I received a phone call from a client who wanted me to lead a trio at their pool at their Greenwich estate. They said they were sending a limo to pick me up. When I arrived at the mansion I was shown to the grand piano at the Olympic-size pool — there was another grand piano at the other end of the pool. I asked about the other piano and was told to play at the one side only.
"About an hour into the event (black-tie cocktail party) Victor Borge arrives and says, 'We are going to do another duet today. I am playing the grand piano at the other end of the pool.' The pool was about 300 feet long and it would be almost impossible to hear the other piano. We started the duet and after two minutes Victor Borge stood up and yelled, 'You are not keeping up with me, you are too slow.' This caused a commotion with the guests.
"He agreed to try again. I told my trio to play very softly. We started again and after another two minutes Borge stands up and starts yelling, 'You still are not keeping up with me — I am giving you only one more chance.' Now all the guests are watching us.
"I told my musicians not to play. I would play as softly as possible to try to follow him. We started again — another two minutes and Borge starts screaming, 'I cannot put up with you anymore!' Now all the guests are totally quiet and I am beyond mortified. Borge pushes the grand piano into the swimming pool and throws the piano bench into the swimming pool. In full tuxedo he jumps into the pool, places the bench (under water) in front of the piano, sits on the bench and proceeds to play piano under water. Everyone was totally shocked.
"Borge climbed out of the pool — soaking wet — and told me I was the brunt of the joke he arranged with the client. He sat next to me and said, 'Now we will continue the duet.'"
Arkells' Max Kerman
"A few years ago, I got home from a tour to find a new 50-inch TV sitting next to the 50-inch TV we originally had in our apartment.
'Dudes, why do we have a second TV?' I asked my roommates Julian and Jug.
'Oh that? I won it at Cactus Festival in Dundas this weekend,' replied Jug.
'What do you mean?'
'I submitted my cactus to the the contest, and I won.'
'You have a cactus?' I asked somewhat bewildered.
'Yeah, I keep it at my parents. I won first prize.'
"I was both happy we had a second TV to watch basketball and charmed that my roommate Jug — a somewhat crotchety and surly dude — would find time to tend to a cactus at his parents' house.
"Julian hardly paid attention. Our friend Adam, who was over watching football, said the other cactus submissions were taller than Jug's, but Jug's was the best-looking and that's why he won.
"For the next six months I'd entertain this very PG story to anyone who would listen. My family, co-workers, at parties. How funny it was to have two 50-inch screens side-by-side in a small apartment — the second TV won at a cactus-growing contest, no less.
"Sometimes out at a bar with Jug in attendance I'd ask for more details:
'How long have you been growing it?'
'Oh, a couple years.'
'What kind of cactus is it?'
'An Arizona summer cactus,' he replied, casually.
"That fall, a group of us we were helping Adam move into a new place. Julian and Jug picked up the cactus TV and started bringing it down the stairs.
'Dudes, why are you moving the cactus TV?'
'Max, I don't know how to tell you this — there has never been a cactus-growing contest at Cactus Festival. Jug doesn't own a cactus. This is Adam's TV. He needed a place to store it between apartments. You got cactus'd.'
'What?'
'I made it all up on the spot that day, and then it spiralled out of control. Every time you brought it up at parties we'd have to try not to laugh. Everyone knows but you. There's no such thing as an Arizona summer cactus, either. I'm sorry.'
"Cactus'd. That's what they all had started to call it, and I was cactus'd for six months straight. My gullible brain has been cactus'd many times since. Happy April Fools'."
